Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Tis the Season

I know it's after the holidays, but I figured that a lot of lazy people still have their trees up and their dead garland hung- so I can tell this story.

When I was in elementary school, some adult had the brilliant idea to teach us Christmas carols and take us caroling to a strip mall nearby. I am sure this has induced a bunch of "awwws" but honestly, give me a break. There are so many things I would rather do than listen to children sing Christmas carols (and it has nothing to do with me being Jewish. OK- maybe a little bit to do with it.) Children singing together can probably be compared to "geese farts on a muggy morning" (thank you Leo Kottke for that wonderful line).

So they taught us an entire lineup of holiday songs including "The Christmas Song" (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire). There was a boy named Cheston in our elementary school so we immediately used our elementary brains and made the song into a carol about Cheston's genitals. (Which still makes me giggle, so I guess I can now consider it using my Master's Degree brain...) Our teachers were never amused by it and warned us about singing the incorrect words while we were caroling. Their warnings sounded a lot like the adults on Peanuts. When the day came for caroling, much to our teacher's dismay, we sang about roasting Cheston's nuts in front of all.

That's what you get for thinking it was a good idea to take a bunch of kids caroling.

Love, the one Jewish kid in the class. 

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