Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Me VS Fruit Flies

Things I love about living in South Louisiana: pretty much everything. Things I could do without: the roaches, worms, caterpillars, weird bugs in my garden, spiders, and the disgusting fruit flies that have taken over my kitchen and life.

And before you waste your mind power thinking this-- NO! I DON'T HAVE FRUIT SITTING OUT IN MY KITCHEN. DON'T ASK ME IF I DO.

One- I don't like fruit (except for apples- which is a topic of its own) and two- I'm not a European painter from the 1700s- I don't need some bowl of pretty stuff laying around for inspiration. So where did these fruit flies come from!?

I have diligently emptied the trash. I even got rid of my luxurious second trash can. Long story. Well- not that long. I use to recycle. I don't anymore (the city hasn't given dropped off my recycling bin- chill, hippie). I kept the can. Which, when I think about it, is kind of the opposite of recycling- having two trash cans instead of one in your kitchen- so you have to make less trips and produce more trash per trip.

I have done everything I can.

I successfully got buzzed and unsuccessfully tried to suck them up with my vacuum cleaner.

I desperately googled 'how to get rid of fruit flies' and started perusing.

I started reading and then quickly stopped reading to make sure I didn't google 'scary fingernails.' Turns out, I didn't. But really- why does she have such long, dark nails!? Are those to scare off the fruit flies?

I tried a few different things and, with the help of an intuitive friend (shout out Steph!), created my own fruit fly killer. 

Turns out the fruit flies and I have something in common- we both love champagne! Who knew!? I would have invited them to my party... Oh wait- I did. See above.

This method has certainly worked on the dozens or so fruit flies that have flown to their imminent death lusting after the sweet bubbly concoction, but there are still THOUSANDS left in my freaking kitchen. I'm out of champagne (big surprise there), so I have moved onto other fruit fly vices to take these little rapid breeding assholes down. I now have 6 death cups in strategic points with hopes of total annihilation.

I just can't live like this anymore. I can't. It was funny the first seven times Sophie, completely annoyed, swung unsuccessfully at the fly buzzing around her. But it turns out even humor has its price- and laughing at my cat is not worth living amongst dirty, annoying, stupid, never ending pests.


  1. GET RID OF MINE TOOOOO! (I also googled this subject a few weeks ago and came upon the same website) I even keep the drain stopper in the sink in case they were like tiny ninja-flies and living in the sewer system. I bought a fly trap (not the venus kind though, that's next) and it didn't catch anything but one big regular fly that got in when the weather was nice for 5 minutes and I opened my windows. If something REALLY works well, lemme know!

  2. Okay, so there are a few options. One has worked considerably well in our kitchen last weekend. There are a few stragglers, but the problem is WAY better. Also, I used to tend bar and fruit flies are a particular problem there as well. So, here are my two suggestions.

    1) Fruit flies and I also have a common love - BEER! It's way cheaper than champagne and works just as well. We conducted several tests when I worked at the bar and they tend to like darker beers, but not stouts, the most. So, like ambers or reds. They also like certain hefeweizens, but not as much. I never tried Purple Haze, but Abita can be a bit pricey for such a "waste". We used a slightly different design for the "trap" using two clear plastic disposable cups. Cut the bottom out of one cup, flip it upside down and tape the cups together by the mouths. I don't know why, but we got the design off the internet years ago and it seems to work. The conical shape hinders their escape once they get inside. Or something.

    2) Scrub down your entire kitchen with a bleach mixture and pour a decent amount of bleach down your drains. There are food particles and such that linger down there and it's a breeding ground for the little bastards. Honestly, the bleach part is the most effective in the long-term, the beer part is to just trap the bastards that are already around.

    They only have approximately a 24 hour life-cycle, so if you can get them all in a day or two, you'll have a lot better luck.

    I wish you luck! And let us know if anything works.