Monday, May 9, 2011

Reasons I could never marry into the Royal family...

(Because, you know, I might have the chance to do so one day....):
  1. I would probably drink too much champagne at all of the family gatherings and after I break multiple flutes from the Royal china, my guess is they would vote me off the Royal island. "I just don't understand-- this set of glasses has survived since The Stuarts-- and she has broken three of them tonight." Whoops!
  2. I consider myself decent enough looking but certainly not on par with Kate. However, my decentness is often not expressed in photographs- ie I am just about the most unphotogenic person that exists- especially in candid shots. And you certainly wouldn't want some shot of me like the one above popping up in the newspaper with the line "THIS IS WHO HE IS GOING TO MARRY!?!?" (PS What the hell is going on with my finger!?)
  3. I would probably be marrying just to get closer to Paul McCartney, and for some reason I don't think that is acceptable. 
  4. I can't imagine the in-laws tailgating with my family at Tiger Stadium. 
  5. If I ever walked out onto a balcony to greet millions of people, I would probably be inclined to bust out into some sort of very inappropriate chant (insert USA or G-e-a-u-x- GO TIGERS GO!). 
  6. While I once saw a book labeled "Even Princess Di Farts and Lifts the Covers" and we all know this is true- I don't think the Royal family would find Dutch Ovens very funny. 
  7. I don't think they would approve of me rolling all over the floor with the royal Corgis during family reunions. Or the royal Dachshunds. Or the mixed breed- the dorgis. 
  8. While a "Chocolate Biscuit Cake" does sound appetizing (please note extreme sarcasm), I don't think they would OK my request to have a "Better than Sex chocolate cake" at my wedding. 
  9. I just can't imagine giving into the fashion of wearing an Instigator Fascinator for fun. I would probably luck out and wear one that would attract birds, and after I got shat on for the umpteenth time- I would make a scene.
  10. Since Prince Will is now off the market and Harry is the only one left- I can't imagine introducing my husband "Harry Wales" for the rest of my life.
Of course my Harry Wale has a southern boy flip.

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