Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Oh, Avocado... so close, yet so far

If I could rewrite bible stories to fit what I think really happened (let's pause for a moment and really take in what I just said.... I used the word "I" and "bible" in the same sentence.... like I really know anything about any bible stories), I would have the tree in the garden of Eden full of avocados. And the tree next to it would be a Reginelli's Caesar dressing tree or a Newman's Own Balsamic Vinaigrette tree. Because I could resist a delicious looking apple (unlike Stephanie Choy*), but I could never resist an avocado- especially if I had some amazing dressing to go with it.

With that being said, you can imagine my excitement when I saw that the Subway near my house got with the program and started to offer avocado as a sandwich accoutrement (probably not the correct use of the word- but honestly- it is one of those words that should be used as often as possible). Needless to say, when I ordered my six inch turkey on wheat- I was gonna get me some avocado with that. Alright future Leila- go back and warn past Subway Leila that ordering avocado will only add 15 minutes to her Subway adventure- but it is worth it anyway. (PS- If someone could help me find some sort of sound effect or image that I could use to insert "uhh uhhh- that's not going to happen" when I want to warn past Leila about something- it would be much appreciated).

So I am standing in the Subway line and the sandwich artists are busy at work. There is a couple ahead of me and two guys behind me and my friend, Mollie, there to witness it all. I order my turkey- no cheese please- I am being healthy and get to the veggies selection of the process. The guy in front of me asks for avocado on his foot long sandwich and apparently they only have enough for half of it (ie, three ice cream scoops full). The lady working at Subway told him she would be right back and brought the empty avocado container to the back. The next lady was ready to finish up my sandwich but I let her know that I also wanted avocado so she moved onto the next person in line- whose order I got to pay attention to since I had nothing else to do but wait for my avocado. This gentleman ordered a six inch tuna on white bread, with olives, and extra mayonnaise. You read that right.

The wait for the avocado continued so the ladies behind the counter decided they would start ringing people up to avoid a bottle neck. At this point- two things happened. An elderly couple walked in and the man took a seat at a table while his wife got in line and the couple in front of me was rung up (even though he was still waiting on his three more ice cream scoops of avocado). The couple was rung up and the woman begin to argue with the total and couldn't understand why it came out to $16. Once it was explained to her multiple times, and she was satisfied, she pulled out a $100 to pay. At a Subway. A hundred dollar bill. Instead of signs that say "We do not accept bills larger than $20" I think places should have signs that say "We can break $100"- because I think it is fair to say that pretty much NOWHERE can break "$100" and it would allow companies to save money on all of the signs they buy that say "No bills larger than $20." Because everyone knows that you should not go into a Subway, or any fast food place, or any gas station, or ANYWHERE and try to buy $16 worth of stuff with a hundred dollar bill. Needless to say- much confusion ensued behind the counter- as they had to get the manager and try to figure out if they had enough cash to break this stupid bill and still have change for other customers.

As this is going on, the elderly lady stepped out of line two times to ask her husband to clarify his sandwich order. Really? The man has probably had the same sandwich order since Eisenhower was in office. Those things don't change. No- he doesn't want to try banana peppers. No- he doesn't want it on some fancy bread. Just wheat. Come on now.

Well the fiasco at the register died down and the lady paid. Since there was still no avocado to be seen, the Subway lady decided she would start ringing up the men behind me. Fair enough. They shouldn't have to wait for avocado. One of them clearly did not like anything green- only gelatinous white for him. So they start to ring them up. They check out the guy that did not order the tuna fish sandwich at about the same time the avocado appears (insert heavenly glow and angels singing in background). During this transaction, my sandwich gets its avocado dollops and is wrapped up and sent down the line to be rung up. It is placed next to a similar looking six inch sandwich. The lady at the cash register asks her coworker which sandwich is mine and she can't remember. Honestly- I was pretty sure I knew- but I was not taking that chance. I had whole wheat, turkey, and avocado. He had tuna. And white bread. And mayonnaise. He quickly said "check- because I definitely don't want her sandwich." I appreciated his honesty. They unwrapped the sandwiches- figured out which was mine, and sent me on my way. Thank god for avocado and the wonderful cluster that ensued. If it were not for that, what would I have to blog about?

*PS- I have to give a shout out to my friend, Stephanie Choy. Steph was home one Fall to celebrate the glorious story of the pilgrims and the Indians, and do like all Americans do, and consume enough to last anyone a week. After the meal wrapped up, she was wandering through the kitchen when she saw "the most beautiful apple in the world."  Steph, who was not listening to her body at that point, decided that an apple has never hurt anything before. She consumed the ripe beauty and immediately regurgitated it. And her Thanksgiving meal. All of it. Gotta listen to your body and not fall for that Garden of Eden trick. Unless, of course, it is full of Avocado and Salad Dressing trees.

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