Friday, June 3, 2011

You know that dream where....

You go to class and realize you have a test you didn't study for or you are standing in front of a crowd naked or....... you bust your ass in front of a lot of people. Yeah, well I am lucky enough to have that last one come true. So- keep wishing upon stars, because some time dreams really do come true.

I grew up going to Henry S Jacobs camp in Utica, MS (a bustling town). The summer after my Freshman year in college, I worked as a counselor at the camp. It was a great experience. I really liked my co-counselor and our campers. My co-counselor, Jodie, was easy to get along with and had a similar sense of humor as me.

Every night at camp, each unit participates in an evening program. The units are broken up by age group (basically by elementary school kids, middle school kids, and soon to be high school kids). The counselors plan the evening session every day and present a skit at lunch to give their campers an idea about what to expect that night. All the cabins in the unit participate in the program together except one night a session... a very special night.... bunk night. Each cabin has one bunk night during their time at camp where they get to do whatever they want while the rest of the camp is going to their evening programs. I have very vivid memories of some of my bunk nights that included swimming across Lake Gary (I think my counselors slipped all of us something to convince us to do that), eating so much cake I thought I was going to vomit, and being lifted up in a chair (similar to a Jewish wedding)- which seemed like a good idea at the time until one of us almost lost our head to the ceiling fan.

So when it came to planning a bunk night for our cabin, Jodie and I, with all of these amazing memories, knew we had to do something special for our girls. And we had to get them really excited during the skit at lunch. And this is where the story takes a turn. I can't remember anything that our bunk night entailed. Not one single detail. Nothing. And the reason for this is because all I remember about our bunk night is the skit.

Jodie and I were planning to come hauling ass into the dining hall from different directions and jump onto the stage in the middle and do something silly to let our campers know it was bunk night. The stage was really just a large wooden block that was about a foot and a half tall. Over my time as a camper, I probably watched at least 100 people jump on and off that stage. After my skit, I think the rules were changed to (in your best Long Island Jewish mother accent) "no jumping on or off the stage" (you could poke your eye out). So Jodie and I were lined up for our skit and came running into the dining hall. We neared the stage and Jodie got there a second before me and jumped on. I made my move to jump but apparently miscalculated and hit both of my shins directly on the corner. Anyone who understands basic physics knows what happens next (think a body in motion will remain in motion). Well- my body was in motion- it was just my legs that had stopped. The rest of my body kept going and my face went directly into Jodie's crotch. Smack Dab. It was the most intense, quickest, and unplanned lesbian occurrence of my life. And the entire population of the camp- campers, counselors, and staff members were there to witness it.

I immediately popped up and pretended like I didn't just head butt my co-counselor's vagina in front of the entire camp. But there's no playing that one down. Especially when you have bruised and bloodied shins and tears coming out of your eyes.  So, if you ever find yourself in a situation that you are afraid of falling in front of a lot of people- just try to measure your distance from others and make sure that if you do fall- that no one's private parts will be there to catch you.

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